


Kitten Conspiracies

by Cyriusli, Mossybrows



Category: One Piece
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:04:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9308615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyriusli/pseuds/Cyriusli, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mossybrows/pseuds/Mossybrows
Summary: Sanji heads up to Zoro's place for a little bit of a surprise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Part of an art trade with Mossybrows of tumblr for Friday 13th!  
> This was a lot of fun and it was a chance for me to write something that was kinda on the lighter side of things. I had a blast writing this and working with Mossy! Can't wait until we can do so again.

Zoro and Sanji had been friends for a while, years actually. When they were little Sanji used to go and visit his aunt, who lived near where Zoro did. Zafina, Sanji’s aunt, was just as crazy as his own father and he would find ways to escape her lectures on herbal tinctures and how to avoid misfortune, to go play with Zoro. As they grew older, they stayed close, even with Sanji attending college and Zoro making a career of his sword fighting— Sanji had then moved to the city permanently to take care of his aging, crazy aunt. While Zoro lived out in the fucking woods, the two still found time to spend with one another.

Sanji sighed as he read the text on his phone. Recently, he and Zoro had realized that their friendship had changed into something that swirled a little stronger than the friendly rivalry the two lived for and had decided to give an actual relationship a try. While nothing was really different between them on the surface, they still picked on one another and poked fun, there were some other things they both were still learning had been there, buried beneath it all, the entire time.

_Hey, you gotta come to my place._

Sanji groaned. He really hated the drive to Zoro’s. While Sanji told everyone Zoro lived in the woods, it wasn’t exactly true. His home was on the edge of a large field that was boarded by trees, however. He’d inherited the land several years back, but never had the money or time to do anything with it. With his most recent change in standing within the world of kendo competitions, mostly because Zoro’s father had finally retired from the sport and “someone had to carry on the family legacy,” Zoro finally had enough money to do something with it. Not that Zoro hadn’t been a master in his art form to begin with, but finally being out from under his father’s shadow kinda kicked his little bit of an ego into overdrive for a few weeks. Zoro, somehow, managed to get Franky and the rest of the Galley-La Construction crew to come out and within a long weekend, Zoro had this amazing house, as well as a training studio, all to himself.

 _Why?_ Sanji typed back, setting his phone down on his couch and returning to his TV show.

 _Because I got something and I wanna show you._ His phone pinged with Zoro’s reply and Sanji couldn’t help but roll his eyes. What in the hell did he see in Zoro again?

_Can’t you bring it here? I hate going to your house._

_Oh come on, it’s not that bad. Pack a bag and come spend the night, I’ll make it worth it._ A second text came in after the first. _Besides, I can’t. You just gotta come out here. Bring dinner._

 _Fuck you, I’m not cooking if I have to drive out there._ Sanji huffed as he reread the text. _You better have cash on you to pay me back._

 _Oh I will pay you back all right._ Zoro’s replies were instant, so either he was purposely waiting on Sanji’s responses or in the fucking bathroom with nothing else to do. A shudder ran through him, Sanji didn’t want to think about the fact that Zoro could so happily be talking about food while taking a crap.

 _BJ isn’t gonna cut it this time._ Sanji smirked. He was quite proud of his little reply, going in straight for the kill.

_Not even if I fuck you with my fingers until you cum in my mouth?_

“Bastard,” Sanji growled out. Grabbing the remote, he shut off the TV and got up, going into his room and packing a change of clothes in his backpack. Slinging that over his shoulder, he stood in the middle of his bedroom. _What do you want for food?_

_Ha! I win. I don’t know, whatever you want. I have cash, too, btw._

Sanji grabbed his keys and locked his door behind him. _Dinner and sex? Do I get a movie too?_

Zoro’s only reply didn’t come until Sanji was already driving, the automated voice from his bluetooth relaying his one worded text. _Better._

Sanji ran to get them food and headed out to Zoro’s, getting there a little after five. Zoro was sitting on the porch with his feet up on the railing, a beer in hand. “You bought us Thai,” Sanji commented as he climbed out of his car and started across the driveway.

“Thai?” Zoro scrunched up his nose as Sanji stepped up onto the porch, setting a paper bag down on the little table between them. Setting his backpack on the floor, he leaned over Zoro, pecking him on the mouth. Zoro’s hand came up to rest on his thigh as he smiled at Sanji. “How much?”

“It was only twenty bucks, I’ll get it from you later. I want to eat. Have any more beer?”

“Yeah,” Zoro sat up, dropping his bare feet to the floor. “You want to eat out here? I’ll go grab us some real forks and you a beer.”

“Sounds good.” Sanji watched Zoro as he stood and walked into the house through the open screen door. Once here, Sanji could admit it was really beautiful. The rolling field lead right up to the tree line and at dusk on some nights deer would come out of the trees to eat the grass. A couple times a summer, the farmer a couple miles down the road would come up and cut the field for Zoro, taking away the hay bales and leaving behind the sweet smell of cut grass. It was quiet at Zoro’s house, the stillness in the air getting under Sanji’s skin if he stayed there for more than a few days, but Zoro lived for it and the house honestly suited the other man perfectly.

Zoro swung a beer in front of his face and sat back down in his chair. “What’d you get us?”

“Just padthai,” Sanji leaned over and pulled the bag into his lap, opening it and handing Zoro one of the carryout boxes. He pulled out his own and the two ate in comfortable silence until Zoro decided to speak with his mouth full as he took a swig from his beer.

“So,” he started, smacking his lips as he did so.

“You’re so gross.”

“And you kiss me.” He looked over at Sanji and smirked. “Anyway, after dinner, I wanna show you what I got. You’re going to love it.”

“Can’t you just tell me?” Sanji rolled his eyes and tipped his box to poke at the bit that was still in the bottom. “They never put enough shrimp in these.”

“Here.” Zoro leaned over and dropped a nice large shrimp into Sanji’s box. “I figured you’d want it, so I saved it for you.” Settling back into his seat, he shook his head and took another bite of his food. “And no, I can’t just tell you. I want it to be a surprise.”

“Can I guess?”

“You won’t.”

Zoro sounded so sure of himself and Sanji scoffed. “What do I get when I win?”

“You’re not going to guess, Sanji, so just drop it.”

“No!” Sanji snapped, stabbing at the shrimp Zoro gave him. “Let me try.”

“Fine.” Zoro shrugged a shoulder, dropping his empty box into the bag and setting his fork on the table. “But you’re never going to get it.”

Sanji threw a glare at him and hummed in thought. He seriously had no idea what the hell it would be that Zoro would need Sanji to come to his house to see. He glanced around the yard, nothing seemed out of place and Zoro’s stupid green truck was parked over under the birch tree several yards away. “You didn’t buy a new piece of machinery, did you?”

“Actually, I bought a lawn mower this morning, but no, that’s not it.” Zoro leaned his head to the side and smirked at him. “Wanna break that in later?”

“You’re fucking gross.” Sanji smacked him in the shoulder to Zoro’s utter delight. “What kind of mower did you get?”

“One that cuts grass.”

“Oh my—” Sanji cut off with a groan. “Zoro, you’re an asshole.”

“You got until I am done with this beer, Sanji, then I’m just going to go show you.” Zoro held up his beer, swishing the little bit that was still in it around the bottom.

Sanji stood up, snatching up the bag. “Fine, come on, let’s go. Why do you have to be so difficult?”

“Me?” Zoro stood as well, skirting around him and grabbing ahold of the screen door. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Sanji’s cheek. “I promise you will like it. I was thinking of you when I got them.”

“Them?” Sanji scrunched his nose. “It’s alive?”

“Well, yeah, that’s why I couldn’t come to your house to show you.” Zoro opened the door and Sanji stepped inside, Zoro right behind him. Stepping around him, Zoro walked off into the living room, bare feet silent on the wood flooring. “So I got two. I only thought of a name for one of them though. Oh!” Sanji rolled his eyes, dropping the takeout bag onto the table by the door and followed his idiot boyfriend into the room.

Furrowing his brow, he looked around the room. “Zoro, where the hell did you go?”

“Here.” Zoro popped up from where Sanji could only assume he had been kneeling on the floor in front of the couch with a small white kitten in his arm. Little tufts on the ends of her overly large ears made them look pointier than they really were and her fur stuck out at all sorts of angles making her look rather fluffy. “This one I got for you. I haven’t named her yet, but her eyes reminded me of you, so I had to bring her home.”

“You got a cat?” Sanji walked around the couch to Zoro, taking the small little ball of fluff from his arm. Instantly, the kitten mewed at him, climbing up his chest to sniff at him. She had bright blue eyes and Sanji couldn’t stop the smile as he instantly fell in love. “Aww, she’s so cute.”

“I got two cats. The other one is around here somewhere.” Zoro threw a hand into the air, walking past Sanji toward the kitchen. Sanji followed along, playing with the little kitten and scratching behind her ears.

“I’m gonna grab my stuff while you look.” Sanji turned and headed back to the front porch to grab his things. Dropping his bag inside the door, Sanji took the other hallway into the kitchen, pausing when something caught his eye on the bookshelf by the sliding glass door. Shifting the kitten to his other arm, Sanji pulled the box forward, tumbling the items inside.

“Hey, Zoro, what is this?” Sanji asked, glancing up before going back to the box. Inside were numerous stones and other things, several of them shiny, including what appeared to be a metal ball a little smaller than a marble. There were bits of colored glass and what looked to be a diamond earring as well. Shaking the box a little more brought a paperclip to the top of the mix. “What in the world is this?”

“What’s what?” Zoro asked and he sounded far away.

Sanji looked into the kitchen to see Zoro duck into the laundry room that was just beyond the kitchen. “This box. There’s all sorts of weird shit in here.” Setting it back on the shelf, Sanji poked around in there, picking out a bottlecap. “Is that a piece of bone?” Sitting under the bottlecap was what looked like part of a chicken bone, the ivory surface weather worn and pocked from it’s time who the hell only knew where.

Zoro looked around the doorframe to see where it was Sanji was standing. “Oh, that box. Yeah, haha, that’s from the ravens. I’m always finding little things like that out on the deck.”

Sanji looked out the sliding door next to him to the large wooden deck that was off the kitchen. Besides the chairs, table and grill, there was nothing. “The Ravens?” Sanji asked as Zoro ducked back into the laundry room. “New neighbors? Seems a bit weird if you ask me.”

“Neighbors? Naw, just the ravens. Ya know, the bird. There’s a… flock? No, that’s not right. Murder! That’s it, a murder of ravens that lives in the woods. No, not murder, that’s crows.” Zoro snapped his fingers. “Conspiracy, that’s what a flock of ravens is called. I feed them.”

Sanji heard Zoro give a frustrated sigh as he continued his search through the house and a shiver ran down the blond’s spine. “You f-feed them?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Zoro was an idiot. “You gotta stop doing that!”

“What? Why? They are just birds. They eat peanuts, like whole peanuts. It’s awesome. I just throw them off the deck and they come from the woods and eat them.” Zoro barked out a laugh and came back into the kitchen. “I can buy bags of them at the supply store. Where the hell did that little shit go?”

“Zoro that’s a bad idea. You know ravens bring death right? Feeding them is only inviting that type of negative energy into your house.”

Zoro gave him a weird look. “I don’t bring the birds in the house, Sanji, that’s just stupid.”

Dropping the cap back into the box, Sanji turned to face Zoro as he stepped closer to him. “I’m not saying you have to bring them into the house. I mean, come on Zoro, a group of them is called a _murder._ Doesn’t that ring any bells?”

“No, a conspiracy. I thought that was kinda cool.”

“It’s not cool, Zoro. Ravens bring _death._ Were you not listening to me?”

“I heard you, but I don’t care. It’s just stupid hearsay anyway. Stop being so paranoid.” Leaning forward, Zoro went to kiss him, but Sanji pulled away.

“It’s not hearsay! And I’m not paranoid.” Sanji cuddled his kitten a little tighter. Zoro knew he was superstitious, but he never really gave it much more thought than that. In fact, Zoro would normally pick on Sanji about it, purposely stepping on the cracks in sidewalks or walking under ladders. Sanji was convinced Zoro was the reason bad shit happened to their group of friends. “This shit is real. How many times do I need to explain this to you?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Waving him off, Zoro ducked back into the livingroom. “Oh, there you are. How the hell did I miss you before, Samurai?”

“Samurai?” Sanji scrunched his nose in question before frowning and turned for the living room. “Zoro, were you even listening to what I said? Are you going to stop feeding those ravens or not?”

Zoro sighed and Sanji could not only hear the frustration in his tone, but could see it in the set of his shoulders. “I am not going to stop feeding the birds just because you are convinced we are all gonna die if I don’t. Here, come say ‘hi’ to Samurai.”

“What kind of a name is—” Sanji stopped, biting his tongue as Zoro turned around. In his arms was a little black kitten, eyes the brightest green Sanji had ever seen. “Are you fucking kidding me, Zoro? A fucking black cat?”

“You don’t have to yell, Sanji, your loud mouth will scare the kittens.” Zoro frowned at him before looking down to scratch the kitten Sanji was holding. “I was only going to get one, but I just couldn’t come home without this one. What are you going to name her?”

“Don’t change the fucking subject! First the ravens, now the cat? Are you _trying_ to kill yourself? Or me, for that matter?” Sanji just couldn’t believe Zoro would have gone out and gotten a black cat for the hell of it, especially when he kept saying that the white one was his second choice.

“Holy shit, here we go. All I wanted to do was show you my new cats and now you are going off on how we are all going to die because of some superstitious nonsense you believe in. What’s next? Should I go hang a horseshoe upside down over the studio door?”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Sanji hissed out, glaring at Zoro, who simply rolled his eyes. This had been an ongoing argument since the day they met and even now, after all this time, it was clearly still a touchy subject. “Why do you have to be an asshole about this?”

“Why can’t you just say: ‘Gee, nice kittens, glad you got them. You are such a sweet and considerate guy to have thought of getting one because our eyes fucking match!’ Hm?” Zoro raised an eyebrow at Sanji, glaring back at him and not giving an inch in the argument. Not that Sanji expected anything less from him.

“ _Because_ ,” Sanji groaned out. “You got a black one.”

“So?”

“Fuck, you’re hopeless,” Sanji huffed out, closing his eyes and pinching at the bridge of his nose.

“You should name her Aurora.” Zoro nodded to himself.

“Aurora?” Sanji gave Zoro a confused look. “Why the fuck would I want to name her that? Don’t change the subject here.”

“I’m not, you are because you insist on yelling at me about things I could care less about. There’s no such thing as bad luck. Sometimes bad things just happen. It won’t matter if I own a cat or feed some birds.” Zoro spoke matter-of-factly, like this really wasn’t a big deal at all. Sanji felt like pulling his hair out.

“It’s not just ‘a cat and some birds,’ Zoro. It’s a black cat and ravens.”

“Still don’t care about your bullshit, Sanji.” Zoro walked around Sanji to sit on the couch and set the black kitten down next to him. Tipping his head back, he looked up at Sanji. “Come sit and think of a name for that one, if not, I’m going with Aurora.”

Sanji felt like screaming, but instead glanced down to the kitten in his arm. Her eyes were closed and she was purring loudly, the sounds vibrating along his arm from her tiny size. With a huff, he rounded the couch and kicked off his shoes before sitting down next to Zoro, mindful of the other kitten, even if he didn’t want anything to do with it.

Zoro put his arm around Sanji’s shoulders and tugged him close. “There, see. No harm done, we’re both still alive and have all our limbs.”

“I can’t believe you actually got a black cat knowing how I am about them.” Sanji eyed the other kitten as it got down and ran across the living room, darting past them in the process. Sucking in a sharp breath, he groaned and buried his head into Zoro’s neck. “Seven,” he muttered.

“Oh, get over it. By the time you leave tomorrow, that cat’s ‘bad luck’ will outlast your entire life. I’ll buy you a rabbit’s foot or some shit the next time we go somewhere if it will get you to shut up.”

“I’m bringing you a list of good luck charms to counterbalance the evil you're doing here.”

“It’s not evil, Sanji.” Turning his head, Zoro muttered into Sanji’s hair, moving his hand to rub against the nape of Sanji’s neck. “If it makes you happy though, I’m only putting up the ones that look cool and go with the house.”

“Fair enough.” Sanji flinched as the kitten ran past the two of them again, chasing who the hell only knew. It was going to be a long night, as well as a long time before Sanji knew he would get used to Zoro’s new pet.


End file.
